WE DON"T SAY THOSE WORDS!

I was waiting in line at the grocery store when a small child asked their mother why another customer was fat.  The mother, probably embarrassed, silenced and scolded the child by whispering "shhh we don't call people fat."  Although it was not wrong to correct the child on their language (using "fat") the scolding sent the message to the child that there was something wrong with the size of that other person because it is something forbidden to talk about.  If the mother would have continued to explain in a calm and normal voice that people come in all shapes and sizes then the child would have learned the language to correctly talk about people of different weights.

When our children point out differences in others they are not necessarily putting a judgment on what they see, they are merely trying to make sense of the world and the people in it (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2012).  However, because of our own schema and bias we often see those differences as something that people are ashamed of and would not want to have people talk about.  So when our children say something about those differences aloud it is embarrassing and we quickly try to silence them or avoid real answers.  This misleads children into thinking that there is something wrong with those differences.  Derman-Sparks and Edwards (2012) explain that "to understand the differences they see around them, children need language and accurate information" (p. 33).

As anti bias educators we must be ready to respond to children's curiosity in a way that is factual and developmentally appropriate.  To do this we must willing to:

• Listen without judgement.
• Figure out exactly what the child wants to know so that we do not give too much information or over explain.
• Distinguish between curiosity and discomfort or fear.
• Answer matter-of-factly.
• Always respond, even if you have to tell them you need time to think about what to say.
• Finally, follow up with individual children or group (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2012, p.33).

Reference

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2012). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.