CONFLICT RESOLUTION

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

In a recent conflict it came to my attention that I had made someone feel judged by little comments that I had made.  They were insignificant taken one at a time, but over time it built up some resentment in this person against me.  The way in which this was presented to me attacked my sense of identity and also left me feeling confused about our relationship because my perception was that this was coming out of the blue.  The following are strategies that could help resolve this conflict:

•   "To resolve a conflict cooperatively, a straightforward explanation of your good intentions might be in order" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 241).  Sharing my true intentions might make this person feel better that I am not actually judging them, but feel sorry that they are perceiving my words in that way.
• Being respectful, reciprocal, and responsive might also help in this conflict.  First, being respectful of this person's diverse perspective helps to encourage trust and to validate their feelings (Corso, 2007).  Then if we can come to a reciprocal arrangement where both of our perceptions have a voice then we can be responsive and come to some understanding in our communications (Corso, 2007).
• Nonviolent communication (NVC) tells us that we need to take the focus of the conflict off of being right or wrong and focus on building the relationship through giving and receiving interactions (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.).  In this situation if I avoid trying to prove that I was hurt then it takes blame out of the interaction and we can focus on what will help us build our relationship stronger. 

One of the most difficult communication skills to accomplish is expressing your feelings, wants and needs without judgement attached which is part of NVC.  I was trying so hard not to place blame on the other person in this conflict that I took on all the responsibility of the conflict.  I did such a good job of validating the other person's feelings that they felt the conflict was over.  However with my feelings not validated I felt just as hurt as I did in the beginning.  After several correspondences I felt that my feelings would never be validated and the discussion had turned to focus only on how I could change.  In the end I decided to yield.  My original feelings about taking action in this way were confirmed by Billikopft (2009) when he explains that with continual giving in to another person an "individual may stop caring and withdraw psychologically from the situation."  I feel that yielding or giving up trying to resolve the conflict will continue to make me feel disconnected from this person and prevent us from building a relationship in the future.  When you have a conflict with someone that you won't be in contact with on a regular basis is it ever good to just give up the struggle and be cordial?  We don't have to have deep relationships with every person in our life. 

References

Billikopf, G. (2009, August). Conflict management skills. Retrieved from http://cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.htm

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Corso, R. M. (2007). Practices for enhancing children's social-emotional development and preventing challenging behavior. Gifted Child Today, 30(3), 51–56.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.