WEEK 8 COMMUNICATION AND COLLABORATION

It was great to explore the concepts of communication and collaboration with my colleagues during this course.  I am grateful for all of your insights and diverse perspectives.  I hope to see you all again in the next course.  Good Luck!

Email me at sheancody@yahoo.com

or find me on Facebook: Tricia Jackson, Grand Rapids, MI

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

In a recent conflict it came to my attention that I had made someone feel judged by little comments that I had made.  They were insignificant taken one at a time, but over time it built up some resentment in this person against me.  The way in which this was presented to me attacked my sense of identity and also left me feeling confused about our relationship because my perception was that this was coming out of the blue.  The following are strategies that could help resolve this conflict:

•   "To resolve a conflict cooperatively, a straightforward explanation of your good intentions might be in order" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 241).  Sharing my true intentions might make this person feel better that I am not actually judging them, but feel sorry that they are perceiving my words in that way.
• Being respectful, reciprocal, and responsive might also help in this conflict.  First, being respectful of this person's diverse perspective helps to encourage trust and to validate their feelings (Corso, 2007).  Then if we can come to a reciprocal arrangement where both of our perceptions have a voice then we can be responsive and come to some understanding in our communications (Corso, 2007).
• Nonviolent communication (NVC) tells us that we need to take the focus of the conflict off of being right or wrong and focus on building the relationship through giving and receiving interactions (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.).  In this situation if I avoid trying to prove that I was hurt then it takes blame out of the interaction and we can focus on what will help us build our relationship stronger. 

One of the most difficult communication skills to accomplish is expressing your feelings, wants and needs without judgement attached which is part of NVC.  I was trying so hard not to place blame on the other person in this conflict that I took on all the responsibility of the conflict.  I did such a good job of validating the other person's feelings that they felt the conflict was over.  However with my feelings not validated I felt just as hurt as I did in the beginning.  After several correspondences I felt that my feelings would never be validated and the discussion had turned to focus only on how I could change.  In the end I decided to yield.  My original feelings about taking action in this way were confirmed by Billikopft (2009) when he explains that with continual giving in to another person an "individual may stop caring and withdraw psychologically from the situation."  I feel that yielding or giving up trying to resolve the conflict will continue to make me feel disconnected from this person and prevent us from building a relationship in the future.  When you have a conflict with someone that you won't be in contact with on a regular basis is it ever good to just give up the struggle and be cordial?  We don't have to have deep relationships with every person in our life. 

References

Billikopf, G. (2009, August). Conflict management skills. Retrieved from http://cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.htm

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Corso, R. M. (2007). Practices for enhancing children's social-emotional development and preventing challenging behavior. Gifted Child Today, 30(3), 51–56.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

COMMUNICATION EVALUATION

This week I took three self evaluations on my communication skills.  I evaluated myself based on three different areas of communication:  communication anxiety, listening skills, and verbal aggressiveness.  I also asked a friend, a past coworker, and my children to fill out these evaluations based on their opinions of me.  The results were interesting.

My scores on all three tests were very similar to my friend and coworker which all placed me mostly in the same categories except for in the area of communication anxiety.  I know for myself I scored higher in areas of small group and face to face communications and low when it comes to public speaking and presenting.  My friend's score, although in the same category, was much higher than mine.  I am guessing it is because she does not have many experiences with me in group and public situations except for casual encounters.  However, my coworker and I had a one point difference in our scores, but hers put me in a group that describes much more communication anxiety dependent on the situation.  I would say the difference stems from her experiences with me in professional group situations and my anxiety over presenting.

While I was taking the verbal aggressiveness evaluation I was reading aloud the questions and my children, in the same room and overhearing, were snickering and commenting on my responses.  I was getting the sense that they would not evaluate my skills in this area the same as myself.  Therefore, I asked them to do the evaluation.  They have little to no experience seeing me in a professional setting and children, even 15 and 11 years old, have a very egocentric way of evaluating other people.  This was the most interesting evaluation for me because I do not apply the same skills to my children that I do professionally to peers, coworkers, other adults, and other children.  Which is why in my own evaluation I think I was aware enough to answer often or rarely instead of always and never.  I must admit to using aggressive communication with my children.  I still remember when they were even younger, getting mad about a mess and purposely including the word crap to describe their belongings in order to shock them ( I had never used any swear words when speaking to them).  And it worked.  I also know that I use guilt in order to manipulate feelings of responsibility for things with my children.  I lose my temper and scream and fuss at them.  However, the fact that they feel free to call me on it and give an honest reflection of how they perceive my communication skills tells me that the good stuff outweighs the bad.  I have made my fair share of mistakes, but I always apologize and explain what a more appropriate reaction should have looked like.  My children feel loved and safe even when I am not communicating my best.  

In a recent communication conflict with an extended family member I realized that my perception of our relationship allowed me to feel comfortable enough to be myself.  I am a very sarcastic person.  My husband is sarcastic as well.  My children are now sarcastic, even the three year old.  I recognize that sarcasm has no place in the professional world and definitely is not appropriate when working with children.  However, in our house it is appreciated and valued as part of being humorous.  This extended family member did not take it to be as light hearted as it was meant and over an extended period of time it was perceived as judgment on him.  In order to have "inside jokes" or use sarcasm there must first be a strong element of trust and love that is established and unquestionable!  I have this with my kids and husband and so it is appropriate.

Reference

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

• http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_communication/index.html
• http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_verbal/index.html
• http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_listening/index.html

CROSS-CULTURAL COMMUNICATION

In this post I will attempt to answer the following questions:

• Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?
• If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

I think when I am communicating with people from diverse backgrounds, or just people that I feel are different than me in some way, I am way more reserved.  I hold back and prefer to quietly listen and let others take the lead.  I think that sometimes it makes me too overly cautious and it prevents me from developing relationships.  I also think that my reactions or participation in a communication depends on the role that I am playing at that particular time.  I have certain roles that have more confidence than others.  If I am in a group of people that I feel are in a higher socioeconomic class I get nervous, fidgety, and I don't make as much eye contact.  However, when I am working, teaching, or in a group of other parents I am confident in what I do and I can talk to people more easily regardless of their socioeconomic class.  Therefore, when I am communicating with people from diverse cultures it doesn't necessarily mean I will be comfortable or not, it really depends on what role I am in at the time.  I also still have a difficult time when communicating with people with disabilities or physical differences.  This is not because I feel that the people I am talking to are less than me, but I am very uncertain of what will offend them.  I am never sure if I am making enough, too little, or too much eye contact.  I spend the whole time thinking about my body language and nonverbal cues that I am unable to listen or have any kind of meaningful discussion.  We all make mistakes and I feel as long as I am attempting to get it right and develop better communication skills along with awareness of diverse groups, I will be alright and people will see the sincerity in my heart.  If they don't I will apologize and keep trying!

STRATEGIES FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH DIVERSE PEOPLE AND GROUPS

• Listen effectively.  Truly listening to what people say and don't say (nonverbal cues) is essential to working with diverse cultures.  It is not always possible to prepare yourself with all the information needed to interact appropriately with different cultures, so we must rely on verbal and nonverbal cues in order to read people and their needs.
  
• Think before you speak or act.  It is important to think objectively when someone behaves in a way that is unfamiliar to you.  Reacting to people before you take the time to figure out their intentions causes a lot of miscommunications and conflicts.
  
• Be empathic.  Empathy can be one of your best assets when communicating with diverse cultures and groups.  If you are trying to understand another person's reality then you are much more likely to be sensitive to their cultural differences, experiences, and needs. 
  
• Do the right thing.  Not only should we take steps in effectively communicating with people in diverse groups, but we should also hold others to the same standard.  It is our ethical responsibility to let people know when their words are rude or unkind and that it is unacceptable.  I believe this includes situations when there is no one visibly around that might be hurt or offended by these kind of comments.  A racist joke still perpetuates racism even when it is privately said among a group of white males.

(O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 92)

Reference
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

NONVERBAL AND VERBAL COMMUNICATION

For a lesson on nonverbal and verbal communication I watched a never-seen-by-me TV show, first muted and then with sound.  The following is a summary of what I learned:

Community, season 1, episode 1 WITHOUT SOUND

• What do you think the characters' relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating? What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing?

The show takes place on a college campus.  Pretty quickly they establish a main male character (man 1).  There is another male character (male 2) that introduces himself with a handshake.  The man 1 asks sees a love interest and asks man 2 about her.  Man 1 goes to see a man from human science department (man 3).  It is difficult to say if man 1 is a student or a professor.  He is wearing a button up shirt with a sweater, but also wearing track pants.  Man 1 goes to a study group and the love interest is there and it is difficult to tell whether is surprised or faking it and had planned on her being there.  He leaves quickly and has another interaction with man 3 and it is still very hard to tell the nature of their relationship.  When man 1 returns to the study group there are more people there now.  He appears to be leading the study group.  He leaves and has another interaction with man 3.  This time man 3 has a package for man 1 and it appears as though he asks for something before he gives the package to man 1.  Man 1 returns to the study group and gives them each a pep talk which makes them look happier and more confident (sitting up in there chairs, smiling, laughing).  I would guess that man 1 is a professor and he takes over the study group for man 3 in order to meet the leading lady.  However, the group looks to be a challenge and he has to decide whether to stick with them or not.  The leading lady yelling at him and his pep talk lead me to believe that he will continue with the group.

WITH SOUND

• What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed?  Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well?

Well, I have realized that it is difficult to watch comedies without the sound because so much of what makes the show a success is the delivery of lines.  Comedians like Mr. Bean were brilliant at nonverbal humor, using his whole body to make you laugh.  I was right about the main character having a love interest in the girl.  However, he was not a professor, but a student that was there because he faked being a lawyer without a law degree.  The 3rd character is a professor in the social science department and was a client of the main character.  The main character wanted this man to get him access to all the answers to all the tests for the semester as a favor for getting charges of a DUI dropped.  

Much of the plot was difficult or impossible for me to decipher without verbal communication.  However, I realized that when we cannot use verbal communication we make assumptions based on visual cues and our previous knowledge.  The love plot was not hard to guess because it is a story that is used regularly in other stories.  A boy likes a girl and fakes being someone or something in order to get the girl.  Then you watch as his lie blows up in his face. 

I think knowing the plot and the relationship between the characters would have made me follow the story more, but it still would not have been funny or enjoyable.  This exercise made me think about people who are deaf or have hearing challenges.  So many times it is not what we say, but how we say things that create meaning.  In this example, if I would have read subtitles I would have known the plot, but I do not think things would have been quite so funny without out hearing the delivery of the lines.  Likewise, I think this happens when we are writing texts and emails.  So much of what we say can be misinterpreted due to how the receiver reads the message.  My spouse can text me that he is finished with an errand and coming home with the children and I can text back "great" with no punctuation.  This could be read excited great or sarcastic great.  Knowing the person that you are communicating with helps with this interpretation, but it can still be misread.  In the world of written messages that we now live in there are tools created to help with this communication.  Emoticons help let the receiver know you are happy, sad, flirting, or just joking ;)  This is to replace the understanding that we get in a face-to-face or verbal conversation.  We gain a lot of meaning from body language and voice tone and inflection.  Without carefully wording your texts and emails it is easy to cause accidental conflict. 

Reference  

Harmon, D. (Writer), & Russo, A. & Russo, J. (Director). (2009, September 17). Pilot [Television series episode]. In G. Foster, D, Harmon, P. Kienlen, R. Krasnoff, C. McKenna, & T. Shapeero (Producer), Community. City, state of origin: NBC.  Retrieved on Hulu.com

A GOOD COMMUNICATOR

Think of someone (e.g., family member, celebrity, politician, friend, or professor) who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context. What behaviors does this person exhibit that make him or her effective? Would you want to model some of your own communication behaviors after this person? Why or why not?

When I think of good communication skills I instantly think about my best friend from college.  We can talk every day and still talk for hours.  She is one of the first people I call if I'm excited, sad, mad, frustrated, worried, stressed, or have a dilemma.  We can have very calm and civil discussions about politics even though I am far far left and vote democrat and she votes republican.  We often have different styles of parenting, but still ask each other for advice.  Here are a few of the characteristics that make her a competent and enjoyable communicator:

• Trustworthy - I know what I say will not go beyond her.
• Non-Judgmental - I can tell her personal feelings or reactions to things and she does not think less of me as a person
• Respectful 
• Does not Interrupt
• Listens
• She reads situational contexts really well.  This means that when I call she is able to read the situation and can tell if I need a cheerleader, a listener, a sympathizer, an adviser, a counselor, an advocate, or someone to empathize or commiserate with.  
• She values my thoughts and opinions
• She is not only interested in my life, but invested in it as well.  For example, she remembers when I have an important appointment and she calls to ask me how it went.
• She asks follow-up questions

HOPES, GOALS, and THANK YOUS

HOPES 

I hope that when I work with children and families from diverse backgrounds I can provide an environment that represents their culture and cultural needs.  I want my words and my actions to express interest, respect and appreciation for who they are and encourage open dialogue and participation in the education of the children.  We are building bridges not providing one way tickets to the dominant culture.  Our differences are assets not deficiencies.

GOALS

It must be a goal of the early childhood field to include anti-bias education for teachers in training.  With diversity steadily growing in the classroom we need to equip teachers with the skills and tools to work effectively with diversity.  We need to move beyond the superficial multicultural curriculum that provides posters of people of color and an occasional book that represents ethnic and racial diversity.  

It is my personal goal to continue to look for and recognize examples of bias in education and my daily life in order to expose them and work with others for change.

THANK YOU

I would like to give a special thank you to Dr. Parrish and my colleagues for sharing their personal stories and challenges when dealing with issues of diversity, equity, and social justice.  Having an open forum to honestly discuss our bias, prejudice, and stereotypes allowed me to grow and make a move towards change.  Without the support of others this can be a lonely and fearful journey.  Thank you for your thoughtful, inspirational, and insightful posts and comments.